Happy New Year!

Another year is over, and it truly had a phenominal ending.

Our plan tonight is to celebrate at a friend's house who live across the street. They are having a party and it's convenient and safe for us because we can just walk there! I'm excited.

I am wondering if DH will really hold out and not tell anyone that I am finally pregnant. He told the whole world that we were going through IVF, so i'm sure they'll be asking. He said he wants to wait three months before we tell anyone- but i'm doubting that will happen. A bunch of people already know!

I am still not having any symptoms. It's really driving me nuts. What I would give for a case of morning sickness right now! I just want to know that it is a strong, healthy pregnancy. I considered buying another box of tests and just testing every other day until Monday, but I am trying to hold off from doing that. It's not like a test can tell me that my numbers are doubling perfectly. Monday still just seems like such a lifetime away. I can't wait to hear my numbers.

I still have almost 2 weeks until we go for the first sonogram. I cannot wait to see my little baby. Or could it be babies?

Only time will tell!

Beta Day!

I am happy to say that my beta came back beautifully. It is at 317!!

I'm thinkin that's pretty damn good =)


2nd beta is one week from today.

1st sonogram is 2 weeks from today.

I've got three words...

BIG FAT POSITIVE!


Yep- that's right invisible followers. I am pregnant- and nervous as hell. I am excited, but not at the same time. I am too scared to be ecstatic. I think I will feel better after my beta on Monday. Once I hear those high numbers I will relax a little. For now, I will just be Cautiously optimistic.

I think today is the day...

I think I am going to test today. I have amazingly held off for this long- I think because I feel like I KNOW what the outcome is going to be- and I am just afraid of seeing it be true. But, my beta is on Monday and I need to be prepared. So- I think I will go out and buy some tests and do it later today. Please wish me luck.

Merry Christmas (Eve)!!!

I won't be on tomorrow, so I am saying Merry Christmas today! To the left you will see a picture of our beautiful Christmas tree. The was before our cats pulled off all of the lights, garland and ornaments, so it looks nice.

Today I am at work, probably until about 3 or 4. But starting at 1 we have a party and do our secret santa presents. After work I need to run to the book store to buy a travel book for my cousin because I got her in the family secret santa. I ordered one last week but it never came, of course. So I will be running around like a fool and waiting on 3 hour long lines to buy a stupid book. Oh well.

So, anyway, today is 8dp3dt. Otherwise known as 11dpo. I have decided that I AM going to test at home before the beta on Monday. I need to prepare myself for the outcome. I could technically test now, but I won't. I don't want to ruin the next two days with our families if it comes out negative. In this case- ignorance is bliss.

I don't have any symptoms whatsoever. Not even from the progesterone suppositories and estrogen patches. No sore boobs. No exhaustion. No nausea. Nothing.

My DH doesn't understand that when I tell him I don't think it worked, it's not me being negative. It's my defense mechanism. It's my way of keeping in reality and preparing myself for what is most likely going to be.

It makes me sad because my doc seemed so convinced that this was going to work. If it didn't, I feel like something is really, really wrong with me. Of course, I have the frozen embies, still, but how are those going to work if a fresh cycle didn't work under perfect conditions.

I am praying with all of my might that this worked.

The Transfer.

Because I have 7 full minutes left at work and don't much feel like working, I figured now was a good time to update my blog and tell the tale of a 3 Day Transfer.

As I said in my last post, my transfer was scheduled for 11:20 AM on Tuesday the 16th. I was instructed to arrive at 10:45, with a "comfortably full" bladder. What this means I don't think I will every understand. I thought it was full enough. I could've peed if I HAD to, but wasn't crossing my legs and doing a pee-pee dance across the waiting room, either. In my opinion, I was comfortably full. I was proud of myself for achieving this.

I signed in, sat down and pulled out my book, ready to get in a solid 20 minutes of uninterrupted reading done. As soon as I found my place I got called in.

I went back to the operating recovery room, changed into the robe/gown/socks/hairnet ensemble, and sat down. A nurse came and gave me a filled to the rim cup of water. I drank half, just to be on the safe side. I hung around and wished DH was there to keep me company. (I went by myself since I didn't need anyone to drive me home)

After about 15 minutes, my doctor came in to talk to me. He said he was transferring 2 8 celled, grade 1/2 embies, with 7 leftover to freeze! This was so awesome to hear. I was so proud of my little baby cells for staying strong. He also said, "we're not gonna see you anymore, but even if this works, don't forget you have to come back to us for your frozen guys!" That was nice to hear. Almost like he really believes that this is going to happen for us.

About 10 minutes later I was put on a stretcher and wheeled into the operating room. It was me, the doctor, 2 nurses and I think 3 embryologists front and center. Luckily for me, I have been humiliated several times in the last 9 years or so dealing with all of my medical issues, that this only embarrassed me slightly. I just closed my eyes and pretended no one else was there.

I stayed on the stretcher and the doctor had me slide all the way to the end and put an angled pillow under my butt. The big burly nurse used the sonogram machine to locate my uterus with the belly wand thing, and apparently, doesn't know what a uterus is, because she couldn't find it. She said in mean burly voice "DID YOU DRINK???" I said yes, I drank alot! The doc said it was okay, took the wand from her and located my uterus himself. This part was uncomfortable because I was still pretty sore from the retrieval. He put in the speculum, inserted the catheter and pushed my babies into my uterus.

Once he was done he looked for my uterus on the sono again and showed me the embryos. They were these teeny tiny bright white dots. It was pretty amazing.

After that I was wheeled back to recovery, got up right away and got dressed, then went home and laid around all day. On the left side, of course to increase blood flow to the uterus!

I know- I suck.

I have really neglected this blog. Not on purpose, of course. Well- okay, kinda. I just didn't feel like relaying everything yet. I still don't, but the farther behind I get- the more annoying it's gonna be.

So- I left off on Thursday night getting my HCG trigger shot. Friday I did nothing- no meds or anything.

Saturday morning DH and I had to be at the RE's office by 9:15. When we got there, we were brought back pretty much immediately, and the nurse showed DH to the "privacy room" to do his thaaang (aka: give a fresh sample). He was uncomfortable about the whole situation, but I thought it was pretty funny. There was magazines and a flat screen on the wall with a dvd player. I was impressed! He went in and closed the door, and I was led into the recovery room to get changed into a gown, use the bathroom, get the IV put in and sign 9 million consent forms. By the time I was done with all of that, DH was sitting in one of the recliners waiting for me.

*He told me that he found a good magazine, propped it up on the sink, not realizing the sink had sensors, which turned on and soaked the magazine. ROFL! He just tucked that one back into the pile and chose another one.*

So anyway, once they were ready for me they brought me into the operating room, I hopped up onto the table and they started strapping me down. The nurse said I would start to feel sleepy and I asked the anestesiologist if he put the sleeping meds in yet and he said yes, so I closed my eyes, and woke up back in the recovery room. I was sore and crampy, but OK.

The doctor who did the retrieval (not my usual doc) came in to talk to me and said they got 15 eggs!! Much more than I expected! Then a nurse came over and said the doc found some fluid in my uterus, so I had to come back on Monday morning for a sono, and if the fluid was gone- we could do the transfer as scheduled. If it was still there, I would have to wait a cycle and try again next month using frozen embies. I prayed and prayed for no fluid.

That night I went to a cocktail party for Christmas at a friends house with DH. I was still in pain but knew I could just sit on their couch if I needed to, so I toughed it out. We didn't get home until 4 in the morning, but I slept really, really good that night and was even more sore the next day. Not really in pain sore, more like I did 4 million sit-ups sore. Not fun.

I couldn't wait to get the call about the fertilization report. That's the most exciting part!

But- they didn't call. So I called them and their answering service picked up. I left a message to have someone call me back because I WANTED TO KNOW! They always call the next day- but of course they'd forget about me...lol.

About a half hour later a nurse called me back to let me know that 9 out of the 15 eggs fertilized. I have 9 babies =) I told DH and he was really excited. Now all I had to do was go to the sono to check for fluid the next day. I fell asleep that night repeating over and over in my head- please don't let there be fluid in my uterus. Please don't let there be fluid in my uterus!


My chanting worked. There was no fluid in my uterus. Everything looked perfect.

Tranfer was scheduled for 11:20 the following morning. I was to report there at 10:45.



More tomorrow!

Ouch- that was a doozy.

So- after yesterday's monitoring appointment, I received the call that I was to do the HCG trigger shot at 11:45PM *ON THE DOT* last night. This surprised me because when the nurse did the sono- she didn't see THAT many mature eggs, and she didn't think i'd be ready to trigger until Saturday. I guess my hormone levels showed otherwise, though.

So- DH and I went shopping and to dinner and picked up our dog from my mother-in-law's house. Then when we came home I watched a few episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm to keep myself awake. DH, of course, fell asleep.

At 11:35 I started mixing the HCG. There were 2 vials. One was filled with the liquid dilutant, the other was a powder. I used the big, thick needle on the syringe and withdrew the dilutant (2mL) from the first vial and injected it into the 2nd vial. I swirled until completely dissolved, and then I got stuck.

I could not- for the life of me- figure out how to get it back into the syringe. My RE's office does not teach how to do these mixings and injections- so I was on my own. I figured it would be easy enough. Well it was easy- just not for a complete retarded moron like myself.

The problem was that the needle wasn't long enough to reach the little bit of liquid there was in the vial. When I turned it upside down- the needle was too long, and reached through the liquid into the air on the other side. I ended up turning it on its side and having a million air bubbles and not getting it all into the syringe. The air bubbles floated away when I tapped the syringe and I got MOST of it in there, but still feel like I did something wrong.

So I asked the girls on a chat forum what the correct way to do it was, and the answer was VERY simple. All I had to do was turn the vial upside down, and pull out the needle until just the very tip was in the liquid. It's that easy. I do not know how I couldn't figure that out. I just hope to God that I dot enough in there to do the job right.

Anyway- then I had to wake up DH to inject it into my butt cheek. I woke him once and he rolled over and went back to sleep. I attempted to do it myself- but that definitely wasn't happening. I didn't have the guts to push in that enormous, fat needle. So- I pulled DH outta bed and he didn't even have a second to be grossed out- he just had to jab it in there. Then he proceeded to gag and say he was gonna pass out.

I was gonna have him do a second injection to get that last bit in- but I decided that it was enough and went to bed instead.


Tomorrow is retrieval day. We have to be at the RE's office at 9:15am, and I go under at 10:15. I am nervous and hope they get lots of good eggs. I will update tomorrow.

Wish me luck non-existent readers!

Last night's ordeal.

So- a friend donated her extra ganirelix and menopur to me. It was very lucky she did, because I needed a refill and my insurance/the pharmacy is giving me a hard time. So- on Tuesday, Beth overnighted me what she had.
I got home late from work last night, about 7:00pm, to discover that the post office did not leave the package as I thought they would in my mailbox or even at the door. It is not uncommon, it's been done before. No- instead they decided to bring it BACK to the post office, which closes at 4. So what do I do? I panic. I ran around the house like a lunatic crying and cursing the postman out while searching for the phone to call the RE's emergency line. I get through, explain in tears what happened, that I needed to take this med tonight and have none left. So, she tells me the on-call nurse will call me shortly.
The nurse (Maryanne for those who go to LI-IVF) called me, and said she happened to have ONE injection at her house, and that I was more than welcome to come get it from her.
So DH and I hopped in the car and drove to Commack to get it (I felt like such an idiot) and was good to go. I couldn't believe she let me come to her HOME for this medication she just happened to have.
Anyway- that was my ordeal last night. Went in for monitoring again this AM and have lots of eggs, but only about 6 are mature, lots of others are in the 11-14 range, so the NP said today she thinks i'll be ready to trigger on Saturday. I was hoping for tomorrow, but oh well.

Wednesday update.

Same as yesterday, only the follies are a little bigger. I have another night of 3 vials of Menopur, 1 Ganirelix and a dexamethasone tablet. The NP said I still have a little ways to go and when I asked her when SHE thought retrieval might be, she speculated that the trigger would be Friday or Saturday, and retrieval would be Sunday or Monday. I am hoping for Sunday because that would be really convenient workwise. For DH anyway. For me, it doesn't matter because my dad is my boss and he knows what's going on! Anyway- back again tomorrow for BW and another sono. I will update then.

Tuesday 12/9

BW and Sono this morning. Sono showed one lead follie on the right side at 19.5. There were several others, but all were between 10 and 12.5. On the left side there were many more than there has been, the biggest being 12.5, the rest are between 8-10.5. So I guess there's a chance that many will catch up to the one lead one. I hope so!

The RE is also ordering me more meds because I only have one ganirelix left and 7 vials of Menopur left. They gave me one box of Menopur that contains 5 vials which were donated to their office. Unfortunately they had no Ganirelix, so they need to order me more of that plus a few more vials of Menopur. My insurance is being but-tastic, though, so i'm struggling a little with getting the meds. Luckily I have enough for tonight. I don't feel like relaying the whole drawn out thing so I won't. It's not exciting- I promise.

Tonight is psychic night- i'm excited!!

Oh- P.S.

Instructions for tonight are the same. 3 Menopur, 1 Ganirelix and a Dexamethasone tablet. Back in the morning for MORE BW and a sono. Ugh!

Update.

My protocol after Friday's appointment was to continue with the 2 Menopur and the one Dexamethasone tablet, but add in the Ganirelix.

I went in again yesterday morning to the same quantity of eggs as Friday, just a little bit bigger. I was hoping for tons of eggs, but that doesn't seem to be working out in my favor. Probably, they don't want me to hyperstimulate, but I definately want more than 8 eggs. I wonder why the left side isn't growing like the right side is...

Anyway- they upped my dosage of menopur to 3 vials a night- 225iu, along with the Dexamethasone and Ganirelix. That was for last night and tonight. I go back in tomorrow morning for monitoring again.


On another note, tomorrow night is our night with psychic medium Josephine Giringhelli. I am really excited and i'm praying she tells me something baby related!

First day of monitoring is done.

I went in this morning for BW and a sono for my first monitoring appointment.

First I had BW done. Then they did my blood pressure, height and weight. (Boo.)

Then I went into the exam room and had the sono done. Lining was at 4.5 *I think*. On the right ovary there was a 12mm, some 10's, 9's and 8's and a bunch of smaller one's. On the left ovary there was a 9 and an 8 plus some smaller. Hopefully those will catch up. The left side looked barron compared to the right side!

Aunt Flo has arrived.

I'm happy because she was supposed to, and considering my follow-up appointment for BW/Sono is tomorrow AM, she's here in perfect timing. I was afraid if she didn't show- I would be cancelled.

I'm NOT happy because my ovaries and uterus seem to want to make their existence known with this period- and i'm just plain DYING. But- it's all worth it.

Everything is running on schedule so far- so from here on out I shouldn't run into any problems!

It's always something.

Turns out for the past two days I have been doing my injections wrong. It's not a big deal (I called the nurse) I was just making more work for myself and doing extra injections.

I am supposed to be doing 2 menopur vials and one dexamethasone pill every night. The pill is easy- obviously I just swallow it! The Menopur is a different story, because it has to be mixed.

What I was doing was pulling 1mL Sodium Chloride into the syringe and putting that into one bottle of menopur powder to dissolve it. Then I was doing the same for the second bottle. What you are supposed to do is dissolve the first bottle, and then mix that with the second bottle and inject yourself only once. If only someone had told me that...

Two more nights of that and then to the doc on Friday morning!


On a side note- I completely flooded my bathroom last night. I was so exhausted and cold and I wanted to take a nice warn bubbly bath. So I started the tub and then got side tracked. By the time I went back in, there was like- 3 inches of water on the bathroom floor and it was soaking my carpets outside the bathroom! That was the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do at the moment was spend an hour mopping up all that water!

Am I a Drug Lord?

Here are all of the medications needed for one cycle of IVF. Crazy- isn't it?

I started stimming last night. 2 Menopur injections and one Dexamethasone pill each night until Thursday night. Then I go back in for monitoring on Friday morning.

Last night I started feeling the side effects already. I went to bed at 10:15 and woke up at 1:33AM. I did not fall back to sleep until almost four. I woke up panicking that I took the wrong medications because I was having a really vivid dream that I messed them up.

I woke up and was WIDE awake. Just laying there trying to wake up my husband over and over again (to no avail) and imagining re-doing my parents house. I don't know why- it was just something to think about I guess.

I had the weirdest gas bubbles shooting up my belly. They didn't hurt- just felt weird.

Anyway- you could imagine how exhausted I am today after barely sleeping last night. DH and I were gonna go get a tree, but we're not sure if we want a real one or a fake one. We might hold off on it for now.

Will update with more side effects, etc. this week. Otherwise, will updates my progress on Friday.

Awesome.

I guess my hormone levels were good because I am starting my IVF meds TONIGHT!!!!!

Another bump in the road.

I went in this morning for blood work and a sono to see if I can start my IVF meds today. My last BCP was on Friday night, and I was scheduled to come in this morning for the testing.

Anyway- they took blood and brought me into the exam room to do the sono. Of course- my lining is too thick. It is at a 7.5 and it needs to be under 5. So now we are going based on my hormone levels. If they show that AF is coming sooooon- I can start. Otherwise- I am out again and will have to wait until next month.

I just can't believe i'm at this cross roads again. I don't understand why nothing in this journey can go smoothly? It's like i'm being punished for something.

Anyways- there's nothing I can do but wait until this afternoon.

Wish me luck invisible people who don't read my blog!