12w6d- Ultrascreen

So, yesterday was my ultrascreen appointment at 12w6d.

*The Ultra-Screen is a First-trimester prenatal screening protocol designed to provide patient specific risk for Down Syndrome, trisomy 18 and other chromosomal abnormalities. Ultra-Screen® combines ultrasound measurement of the fluid accumulation behind the neck of the fetus (nuchal translucency) with maternal serum markers and is the earliest and most effective Down Syndrome screen available.*

My mom came with me, as she does to all of my high-risk appointments because DH has to work. We did the sono first, and the baby was so much bigger! We saw and heard the heartbeat- 140BPM, the baby was moving around like crazy and actually looked like a baby! It was so freakin cute!

After that they weighed me, did blood pressure, and did the finger prick for the blood test they send to the lab.

Then we met with the doctor. He said he had good news and really good news. The good news was that the blood clot was 1/4 of the size it was last week, almost completely gone. The really good news was that the sonogram portion of the ultrascreen was perfect, so that combined with my age means I should have no problem with the numerical results, either.

Today I am 13 weeks and feel like I can finally ease up on the worrying, especially now that heaven's newest angel is watching over me and this baby.

Life can be cruel sometimes.

Yesterday was definitely the saddest day in my life and in the lives of my family members.
My absolutely incredible 19 year old cousin passed away in her sleep a month short of her 20th birthday.

We weren't really as close in recent years as we had been when we were younger. It's not that we didn't want to be, we just had things going on. We were always laughing and joking when we were together and we had a good relationship.

I still cannot wrap my head around this. I feel like it's not really happening, like it's just a dream, but it won't go away. Everytime I close my eyes I can see her face, completely still, with the intubator tube in her mouth. I can feel her cool, stiff skin on my hand. As much as I regret going in to see her like that, i'm glad that I did. It will be the last time I ever get to see her looking like Lauren. When we see her at the wake, she will be caked in makeup and looking not like herself. It makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking of her looking that way. I don't know how we will all be able to handle seeing her lying in a coffin. She was too young to die. She didn't get to live out her life. It's just so, so unfair.

I will never forget eating snow cones together on her swing set. I would always finish first and she would share the rest of hers with me. I will never forget overflowing the dishwasher into the kitchen and there was about 3 feet of bubbles everywhere that we tried to scoop up with spoons. I will never forget her sleeping over my house and her not letting me sleep because she always wanted to stay up all night when we had sleep overs, so I slept in my closet. I will never forget her hitting me in the head with hangars to wake me up when we were little. I will never forget her teasing me for being the corn server one thanksgiving for the needy. I will never forget when she made me french toast that was so disgusting it made my stomach turn just looking at it. I will never forget her being one of the first to call me when I had a miscarriage just to tell me she was sorry and she loved me. I will never forget how she always gave me a hug and told me she loved me whenever I saw her. I will never forget that she always said, "remember when..." and recounted many of these memories. I will never forget that her last Facebook message to me said "I miss you." I will never forget that I didn't get a chance to say it back.

Hers was the hand I held during my poppop's service and my aunt's service. She came to me and hugged me and held my hand so tightly. I can't believe I won't have her hand to hold this weekend.

My heart is breaking for her life cut too short. For her mom and dad who will truly never be the same. For the rest of us who never get to see her smile again. For me, for not having seen her in a month and a half, and not getting to tell her I love her. For my child who will never get to know her, and the amazing person she truly was.

I hope she knows how much we all loved her and how much she will be forever missed. Her absence has already formed a huge whole in our family and in all of our hearts.

Lauren, I know you are shining down on us from your place in heaven. Please help us all heal and overcome the tragedy of losing you. Please, somehow let you mom know you are okay.

I will love you forever.

Today's events.

For the past week or so I have felt alot of pinching where *I think* my cervix is, and today I have some light cramping, more to the left lower side. I have not had any bleeding or anything, so I am hoping this is normal- but have nothing to compare it to so I don't know if it is.Thank God I have a high risk appointment today for some reassurance, because I definitely would not be making it until next weeks OB appointment!!



UPDATE:

So I went into the sono room and the girl did an internal. At first She wasn't saying anything and it just looked like a mass of nothing on the screen and I began having mini heart attacks.

Then she moved the wand and I saw the baby. By this time I am an expert at finding the heartbeat on my own, and I did not see it. I had another heart attack.

I asked if everything looked okay and her response was, "are you seeing the doctor?" I told her yes and she says, "he will go over everything with you."

I nearly died right then and there.

For the next 5 minutes, she said nothing. Then she turned the speaker on and I heard the heart beat. 162 BPM. She said you can't get any better than that. I never felt more relief in my life. She pointed out the arms and legs- 2 of each (yay!). It was awesome.

Then we waited another hour to talk to the doctor. It was a different doctor than last time and this one was so, so much better. He said my incredibly enlarged ovary from the last appointment has gone down by half. He said the blood clot has gotten smaller and is "organized", meaning it is calcifying and will be reabsorbed into my body, and will probably be completely gone by my next appointment (yay again!). He also said that the pregnancy was progressing beautifully. I am measuring perfectly on schedule- 10w6d.

Now to wait until next week's appointment.

:::Major sigh of relief and happiness:::

I finally bit the dust...

And bought my first *baby-related* item. I will give it to DH as part of his birthday gift, since I will be 15 weeks then and that seems like a safe time to give a baby gift.

It is the Camo Diaper Dude- normally $117.00 and I got it for $22.95!!!

Today makes 10 weeks!

I went to the doctor on Monday night to check on the clot. The doctor said it was noticeably smaller, but still there and to expect more bleeding. I had more that night and it has pretty much tapered off since then.

He did both an internal and an external sono. During the external he showed us where the blood clot forced the placenta to separate from whatever it is attatched to. That part of the placenta has been rendered useless to the baby, and he said luckily, the baby attatched 100% directly opposite of that area. If it had been closer, or attatched where the placenta is separated, I would have miscarried already. I truly am lucky. This little peanut has the will to live!

Here is the 9w5d picture from Monday night. Boy has (s)he grown!!

Invisible Followers (& Hayley)...The clot has left the uterus! I hope...

I did several things differently this weekend that could've led to this event.

First of all- I had more activity in the past few days than in the last couple of weeks combined. Nothing strenuous- just out of the house and walking more than I have been.

I also ate spicy food on Friday night AND Saturday night.

Yesterday I had this weird feeling all afternoon/evening that I got punched in the gut. Not cramping- but just a tightness right below my ribs like I got the wind knocked out of me. I thought it was strange, but not concerning.

Last night DH and I fooled around (No intercourse) for the first time since I got pregnant. I usually don't let it get too far on my end- but everything happened pretty quickly (it's been awhile) and it was kind of an accident. I had the big *O*. So sorry for the TMI.

So anyway- this morning I wake up and go to the bathroom, and see that my pantyliner is full of dark brown blood. I pee- there's more in the toilet. I wipe- it's on the toilet paper. I shower- more comes out. I have been spotting brown blood off and on all day. Luckily I have a doctor's appointment tonight so I can make sure the baby is okay. I'm a little nervous- but not too worried because the high risk doctor told me to expect some dark bleeding.

I guess we will see tonight how everything is. Wish me tons of luck!