Oh where, Oh where has that blogger gone?

Oh where, Oh where could I be?



I'm sure no one missed me since no one looks! I've missed myself, though. I wish I would have caught up sooner because ALOT has been happening! First of all, here is the latest picture of my little peanut. It was done yesterday, at 8w6d. The date at the top is according to my LMP, which doesn't work since i'm pregnant through IVF. I am also measuring a few days ahead of schedule. You can kind of distinguish where the head is (the left side between the little dots) compared to the body.














So, there (s)he is! That picture was taken at the perinatologists office, where I was sent after almost a week of bedrest. Yep- that's what I said.

DH and I had an appointment at my regular OB's office last Thursday evening. He scared the bejesus out of both of us- telling me he wouldn't be walking around at all if he were me- just to bathroom and shower. Not even to work- where I sit at a desk all day. He said I have a very large subchorionic hematoma- which could eat away at the placenta. He told me no moving until Monday and to come back then. So that's what I did- and I was bored out of my mind.

On Monday the clot was no bigger, no smaller. He sent me to the perinatologist. I got an appointment for the very next day.

I signed in at the perinatologist and gave a urine sample. After about 1/2 an hour I was called in to start the process. First I was brought to an ultrasound room and had both an internal and an external sono done. This was the best part of my day. My mom and I (DH had to work) got to see the little arm and leg nubs, the heart beat, and best of all- I got to hear the heartbeat for the first time! It was very cool. My whole body just went numb. I could've listened to that sound for hours.

After all of the sonos were done, I sat in an office with another nurse who took my entire medical history down. Then the doctor came in. I could barely understand him with his accent, and he all I remember him saying is that all I can do is, "cross my fingers and hope for the best." I was not happy about that. I plan on speaking to my OB about it at the next appointment. They want me back every 2 weeks for the time being.

Oh what a (SCARY) night!

So Friday after work, DH and I had plans to go to dinner with my parents. We met them at a restaurant at about 8pm, and enjoyed a nice dinner.

Afterwards, we were going to go to a friends house for awhile. DH was dropping me off at our apartment to use the bathroom and change my clothes. He was going around the block to his mom's house to let the dogs out.

As I was getting out of the car, I coughed and felt a gush. I knew right away what it was.
I told DH- "I think i'm bleeding" and he said "you probably peed yourself," and laughed.
He left and I ran in the house, threw all my stuff on the floor and went in the bathroom. I pulled my pants down and sure enough, my panty liner and underwear was full of bright red blood. I freaked.

First I called DH to have him come back home. Then I called my parents panicking to them and hysterical. DH came home and after a few minutes- we left for the ER. I wanted to kill him because before we left he had to use the bathroom. Then we had to stop for gas. Like- could there be a more inconvenient time??

Anyway-we got to the hospital and my parents, sister and brother-in-law all met us there. I got signed in, my vitals were taken and I registered for insurance reasons. I only had to wait about 5 minutes before being taken to triage. I was brought into a gynecology exam room and changed into a gown. After about a half hour of complete disbelief, crying, losing hope, restoring hope, shivering, exhaustion and some more bleeding- a doctor came in to do the exam. He used a speculum and determined there was no blood in the cavity and my cervix was closed. He asked my history and what meds I was on.

He left and another man came in and took blood, put in a needle for the IV and then left again. After this I was brought to a curtained room in triage. So far everything seemed okay- but I still hadn't gotten a sonogram. After another 15 minutes or so of waiting- a woman came in to bring me to the sonography room. At this time I had another gush of blood and it was all over my legs and my hand. The sonographer gave me a wet paper towel and I wiped off my hand and cleaned myself up at best I could. Then- off we went.

She told DH that he couldn't come and he was really upset about that. I was, too, because if I was miscarrying- I was gonna need the support. I asked her to please let him come and she said he can walk over there and wait in the waiting room outside the room. I still wasn't happy with that but it was better than nothing.

We went in the room and she gave me this big cushion to put under my butt. Then it was time to find out where we were at. At first she didn't say anything at all. I finally asked if she saw anything and she said- "yes- the baby is fine." I cannot even describe the relief I felt at that moment. She let me see the screen even though she isn't supposed to, and the little heart was beating away. For the next half hour, while my poor husband was probably freaking out in the waiting room, she checked everything else out. She determined also that my cervix was closed and there was fluid in the cul-de-sac. (I learned later that is the area behind your uterus) She then gave me a wet towel to clean myself up better, gave me a new sheet since mine had blood on it, and wheeled me out. I gave DH the thumbs up and told him the baby was fine- and he ran off to tell everyone. He was soooo relieved.
I knew we weren't out of the woods yet, though, because the last time I miscarried I saw the heartbeat and then the next day it was gone. I still felt better, though.

After all of this, I had another pelvic exam done by the resident from my new OB's office- and he determined the same thing the other doctor did. All I had to do now was wait for the beta to come back, which finally did at about 3 in the morning. 67,000- very good. We left the hospital and got home at about 3:30 am.

5 hours later we were up and on our way to the RE's office for more bloodwork and another sonogram. The nurse did a pelvic exam and the sono. Pelvic exam showed a little bit of staining in the vagina but no active bleeding. Sono showed that the baby was still there- heartbeat still beating away. The nurse said there looked to be blood in the uterus, but hopefully is shouldn't affect the baby- but I should expect to have more bleeding. Needless to say I am relieved- and terrified. I am so afraid of losing this baby.

The nurse called later on and my beta was 20,000 higher than 8-9 hours before, which is good, and the RE switched me from progesterone suppositories to PIO injections. Not fun- but i'm willing to do anything.

I spent the rest of the weekend barely moving off of the couch, and the bleeding has stopped almost completely, with just a brown smidge here and there. That I can handle. I haven't really had any cramping except for the occasional one, and this morning I woke up with cramps, but I think they were stomach cramps. Sadly, I can't tell the difference anymore. They have been coming and going, so I am praying they don't mean anything.

Tomorrow is my first OB appointment. I'm hoping beyond hope that everything is still okay.

Ouch!

I am hurting today! My sciatic nerve is absolutely torturing me! Not too much I can do about it, though.

I can't wait for Tuesday. I really wish I had a fast forward button to zoom through the work week. I just want to know that everything is still okay. I'm tired of being nervous all the time. 5 more weeks until I feel better- until I feel I am outta the red zone.

So far no spotting or cramping- just the occasional AF cramp, but I know those are to be expected.

I still have no symptoms. That's kind of annoying.

My biggest fear is that I will have the sono done on Tuesday, and there will be no heart beat. I am trying not to think of that because I will give myself a stroke, but it's in the back of my mind.

Anyway- I am just being redundant so that's all for now.

I will update on Tuesday.

I am already in love...<3

Probably not wise to get attached so soon seeing as i've miscarried before, but I just can't help myself.

As you probably guessed- everything went very well at the sono appointment yesterday. Baby is measuring perfectly, her tiny heart beating away. It is incredible.

The RE released me to my OB, and I have my first appointment on Tuesday, January 20th. I will be 7 weeks, 3 days. I have never been to this OB before. I decided my old doc is not up to my standards and I need to start fresh- everything new. This new doctor was recommended and is apparently capable and deals with people who have issues and not every patient has a picture perfect situation. I can't wait to go and see my little bugaboo again. Hopefully everything will go smoothly until then.

In the meantime- here's the babe!

Today is finally the day.

My first sonogram is today at 3:45pm. I am very excited and very nervous all at the same time. I am praying like crazy for a strong, healthy pregnancy. So far, so good. Today we will hopefully see the heartbeat (or heartbeatS) and I can rest easy for a couple of days again. I can't wait.

On Saturday night DH talked to my belly for the first time. Obviously there is no big belly to talk to (I am only 6 weeks), but it was very sweet. He tapped my belly and said, "Hey!"

That was it. =)

I think he is finally letting himself get excited about all of this. After the miscarriage last year, he really has had his guard up this time around- as have I. We still have 6 weeks to go until I will feel we are out of the woods, but I have faith.

Waiting sucks.

I just want it to be Monday so I can see my little mashoogina and know that everything is okay for another week. The first trimester is so nerve-wracking, especially since week #8 has a stigma to it, seeing as that's the week I lost my first angel. I just want it to be past that week. Past the first trimester. I am so ready for this adventure and I am so afraid of it being taken away again.

What I wish...

* I wish it was Monday at 3:45 so I can see my little babe(s).

* I wish my sciatic nerve didn't feel like it is breaking in half everytime I move.

* I wish I could get through this pregnancy without freaking out one week at a time until I get to go to the doctor again.

* I wish I had some form of normal symptoms. Maybe some morning sickness, sore boobs, pure exhaustion...anything.

* I wish I had the nerve to buy a pregnancy journal to start documenting this journey, but I am terrified it will jinx me.

* I wish I didn't have to worry about where I am going to live after May.

* I wish I could go home and go to bed.

* I wish I could be guaranteed no stretch marks!

Yippeee!

BETA #2 = 4,277!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so, so happy =)

On another note, I get to stop taking the Metformin, Progesterone on 1X per day! That makes me happy as well. That is SIX less pills I have to worry about remembering to take everyday. Yay!!

Beta Day #2

I went this morning for BW to check to make sure my HCG has doubled every 48 hours since Monday. The number should be at around 2600.
In one instant I feel like everything is going to be absolutely fine. In another instant, my stomach turns and I feel like I am just waiting for the bad news. I can't wait until they call.

I have been feeling absolutely fine. I still have no symptoms. My boobs aren't sore, no exhaustion, no morning sickness. Nothing. It's really, really annoying. I wish I would feel SOMETHING already. Just so I know everything is fine.

The next 7 weeks are going to be h.e.l.l.